You Swear It's Getting Better Every Day

by Kayak Jones

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bjjahnke8 Big sound, big riffs and big emotions coming out of the Iowa emo scene. About as solid as a debut gets.
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02:59

credits

released April 19, 2019

Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Gary Cioni and Brett Romnes, at The Barber Shop in Hopatcong, NJ.

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Kayak Jones Dubuque, Iowa

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Track Name: Good Quality Work
Our fingers were interlace but broken. You sealed up my scars then reopened them. You tore yourself apart and I didn't blame you for cuts under tattoos concealed them from all view just like you used to

And I hope you know I've not been okay. I hurt myself again today and I know it won't smother the flames you trapped inside the blood in my veins, I didn't know

Catalyst, what brought us here to all of this? You aren't who I once knew but what could I do? I still blame myself, it's true.

And I hope you know I've not been okay. I hurt myself again today and if I had known I would make amends for not being there when you needed a friend. I didn't know

I hope you know I've not been okay. I hurt myself again.

So long, farewell, my dearest friend. Maybe one day we can meet up again. I can hope
Track Name: Nose Blunt
The moneys not enough and the drugs aren't a stable crutch. Stability's not what it was, there's no distraction worth relying on

Smother me, in all the things that I've done wrong. Anxiety and pressure, in my lungs. Where did I even fuck up? Is this anything at all?

I seem fine on the outside, but seemings not enough

My body won't rebound just like your broken couch. You always kept it around. Your guilty conscience weighed it down.

I never asked for you to feel anything
I never meant for you to care about me
Track Name: Lonely Codependent
The cracks along the floor, they don't let light in anymore. You used to fall asleep with the desk lamp on during the calm of the rainstorm.

Well my heads a mess, but you wouldn't know that. You can never take a step back. You can never catch your breathe, and now all I am is warmth in your bed. All I am is half the rent. Maybe all we are is lonely codependent?

Transfixed at the mercy of your phone but I can't get through because I've got no backbone. And I know it's only a doorway between us but I've never felt more alone.
Track Name: Running Blind
Anxiety has me tearing at the seams, I'm running blind. A stifled cog in the machine.

I buried them.

Cut me open again, fix all the shit that's wrong inside my fucking head cause I don't think that I can make it through this reverie I'm trapped in. Stare complacently, tell me something that will harbor my belief that things aren't always as damaged as they seem.

Anxiety has me tearing at the seams, I'm running blind. A cog in the machine. I'll lie dormant until I decompose, cold just like the snow. I just gave up hope.

And I'll try to reflect on the sentiments I've always kept.

It's just that anxiety has me tearing at the seams. I'm running blind. A cog in the machine. I'll lie dormant until I decompose, cold just like the snow. I just gave up hope.

The things you said I buried them in the back of my head. So I'll keep pretending that I'm better when we talk even though we know I'm not

cut me open again

Anxiety has me tearing at the seams. I'm running blind. A cog in the machine and I cut too close. I severed all the bindings that held all hope that I'd grow past this all. I just gave up hope.
Track Name: Foolish
I'm sorry, I shake when we get close but there's damage here that no one seems to notice. So hold me close before the pain takes hold, it turned out this was too much for me. It was too much for me.

Break away, I'll sustain someway, keep living your life as though it never meant anything. I can see inside past bloodshot eyes, you were beautiful with a selfless mind, and it's foolish to think like that, that everything will be perfect if tomorrow never came for me. Please just don't do the same.

So just keep me in your thoughts when things seem grim, a smile a stupid grin. Just something to sewn within.

Please don't do the same.
Track Name: Good Enough
You'll wrap my scars around my neck and then hoist me up until nothings left. You'll wonder what caused it. You'll wonder what caused it.

Break down what's left of me and throw it all away.
I'm not good enough for anyone or any little thing.

You see the cracks within my soul, you know I'm not the one to blame, but you'll push in deeper.
Track Name: Time and Place
I don't want to sleep because you've killed all my dreams and I haven't stopped waking up with blood in my teeth and it's haunting.

I don't feel much of anything these days, times hands washed over me and hold me down. If I'm not making sense, let me make this clear, I know this hurt you but it hurt me too.

I feel like a stranger wearing my own clothes. Unfamiliar and unknown.

I don't feel much of anything these days, times hands washed over me and hold me down. If I'm not making sense, let me make this clear, I know this hurt you but it hurt me too.
(I feel like a stranger wearing my own clothes. Unfamiliar and unknown)
Track Name: Rusted
You asked me if I've been feeling ok and I don't feel comfortable answering honestly, because I wanna hide it all away. My problems mean nothing to anyone except to me, and they're bleeding through the breach in the wall I built for you.

"It's okay that they treat you this way" trapped inside my head til I cave. Now I've become everything I hate (the same monster) The same monster you became

If this is meant to be where my heart is then maybe I lost it. You kept in on your chest inside a locket, engraved with the words, "until death and departed" and now it's all rusted

"It's okay that they treat you this way"

"It's okay that they treat you this way" trapped inside my head til I cave. Now I've become everything I hate (the same monster) The same monster you became
Track Name: The Mess I've Made
Broken and condemned, maybe I'll learn to love myself like you said? I can hardly comprehend. The sun shattered within my hands.

And you swear it's getting better everyday. You seem to say it so convincingly cause I know you're afraid that you'll carry me in a coffin wrapped in all the words that they said.

Paint in shades of red, your eyes reflecting everything that I said. Fully unprepared, my skin laid bare, the pigments in your face disappeared.

And you swear it's getting better everyday. You seem to say it so convincingly cause I know you're afraid that you'll carry me in a coffin wrapped in all the words that they said.

Looking down at all the faces I never knew cared, struggling through apologies as if I were there. The sky starts to shadow, their eyes fill with rain. I'm sorry for the mess I made, I did it again. Gripping the coffin, overwhelmed by the weight of all of the memories we'll never create. I never meant to cause all of this a fatal mistake. I'm sorry for the mess I made, I'm sorry for the mess I made.


And you swear it's getting better everyday. You seem to say it so convincingly cause I know you're afraid that you'll carry me in a coffin wrapped in all the words that they said
Track Name: Valediction
I'm letting too much go, the door is full of cracks, how many times have I slammed it closed? Split and rusted hinges, paint is falling down in pieces, bound to fail from the get go. If I could just pull the handle, I'd let you in. I'd welcome it. Muster the courage to face this, my demons.

I'm not afraid. I can feel the cliffs edge calling me. Standing still in the rain, I loved you dearly

Mountains of contrition under mountains of old dishes that I planned to clean, but I'm looking at old post cards, fulfilled for the most part, until I dive too deep. Reflecting against the hollowed ground. I didn't see the light in me until now.

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