Flawed

by Kayak Jones

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03:39
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03:16
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03:47

credits

released December 9, 2016

Recorded in October of 2016 in Princeton, IL
Engineered and mixed by Aaron Isaacson @ Sound In Silence Recordings
Mastered by John Naclerio @ Nada Recording Studio
Artwork and layout by Beau Brynes
All songs written and performed by Kayak Jones

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Kayak Jones Dubuque, Iowa

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Track Name: Highland Park
Undiagnosed, and it's finally hitting home
The words shattered on the grass as I watch you splinter and go
Trading last of change for a final escape or
at least a hopeful way to end all of this pain

"You'll never admit that you're the one to blame for making me feel this way."
I'm seeing the adverse effects of a life lacking love
and I'm watching the aftermath of someone who's giving up

And I know you always hated those touchy-feely moments
but I don't know how else to express that I care
The furnace in your chest is dim but still lit
I believe in you, kid. You can get through this

Tell me, why is it so hard to find joy in another?
Cause isn't that the point of being a mother?
Track Name: Outline
You handed me a canvas and said, "why don't you just paint yourself instead?"
But these lines just won't intersect and I'm struggling to cope with this
And it's killing me. I can't see the hues in anything
Pull my skin back again,
I'll show you were it all began

Yes, it hurt when I watched your eyes avert
as you said you'd never fall away, you fell away

And I'm retracing everything as I feel my lungs collapse
From trying to etch these feelings across my chest
Would it make you care if I just left?
Tear my skin back again,
I hate that you're indifferent

Yes, it hurt when I watched your eyes avert
as you said you'd never fall away, you fell away

It's cold and I'm awake,
Feel the blood push past these veins
You'll say "you'll be okay"
I'm trying to let things go, but your names cut in my throat
For three years, you tortured your soul
I'm nameless from this all

Yes, it hurt when I watched your eyes avert
as you said you'd never fall away, you fell away
Track Name: It Hurt a Little
This always seems to crush my chest
Weighted burdens capsize within my head
Never sinking away but tucked beneath the crashing waves between my teeth
It crippled me

And I hope you know I wake up every night from this
Time's lost its preciousness

Your touch feels like needles
Prick my skin until I can't feel
Innocence was lost within this shell
Suffocate and rot, I'm submerged in hell

I'll numb the pain that's trapped within these veins
Cause I'm shouldering the shame
And it killed me when you ran away
When I was coping

Your touch feels like needles
Prick my skin until I can't feel
Innocence was lost within this shell
Suffocate and rot, I'm submerged in hell

If all we have in this world is love, well I broke it apart and inhaled
If all we have in this world is companionship, then why do I feel such betrayal?

(I can't breathe, I'm struggling)
Track Name: Memoir
I am so alone
and it's all that I read in your notes

Times gnarled these roots that you planted in my chest
and I'm struggling too
You said, "this bark has become my tomb."

You said this fractured your eyes, didn't it?
You can't tell the sea from the sand and you can't handle it

You can't handle it

Well maybe we can break together
if it'd make you feel any better
But I know that it won't

I'm afraid of you feeling this way
granite encased, like our friends who couldn't escape

You said this fractured your eyes, didn't it?
You can't tell the sea from the sand and you can't handle it

You can't handle it

You said this fractured your eyes, didn't it?
Well yes, yes it did
Track Name: For a Friend
I wish you could have stayed
The storm in your head always hinted at by the rain
Held back in your eyes and you just left without any goodbyes

You're not weak, you're not heartless
I hate the way they think of you
If holding hands could bring you back, then my steadfast grip will hold until my bones turn to dust and then we're forced to let go

Stay awake, you should've said you weren't okay
and I'll bear the weight
you carved in my heart, "forever", you'll always remain

I wish you could have stayed

I think that's what you wanted
Shedding doubts and egos for much more than
shallow relationships built on fabricated friendships

I know you feel lost but that's not how it is

Stay awake, you should've said you weren't okay
and I'll bear the weight
you carved in my heart, "forever", you'll always remain

I wish you could have stayed